And repeat
sad Feeling by ~Auu on deviantART
Well, I don’t feel any better today. If anything, I probably feel worse.
I feel small and ineffectual. I want to go to bed and think about what a useless person I am, and how I can never climb the mountain of work I have in front of me.
Like emptying the dishes from the dishwasher…it’s such a daunting idea. How did I ever manage such a complex task in the past? How does one even start?
But it doesn’t take a genius to realise that going back to bed to ponder all the millions of ways I fail as a human being probably isn’t the ideal way to get through a day of depression, and luckily I’m the very not a genius to make that realisation!
So, after a little bit of computer work, I headed out to the garden for fresh air and exercise.
To be honest, it was the very last thing I felt like doing, but I’m glad I did. I feel like I actually got something done, which is always a good thing. Did some weeding, planted some more plants, mulched and added compost. There’s still SO MUCH to do out there, but hopefully once more seedlings start popping up it’ll look more like a nice garden and less like a wasteland.
Annoyingly, the months of bad weather we’ve had (gale force winds, hot dry days, sudden cold snaps, sudden downpours that don’t provide enough water and more gale force winds) has seen me lose a few things.
The basil, for instance. It didn’t just shrivel and die – the poor little seedlings were actually uprooted and blown away. And my ‘Jack-be-little’ pumpkin seedlings just withered and died after the wind shredded them and then a branch fell on them, really finishing them off for me.
But! It’s not all bad.
My normal pumpkins have started sprouting. And after picking peas and snow peas last night, there are a bunch more out there ready to pick today.
And the passion fruit vine (which was starting to grow in a ‘Z’ shape from being ripped down by the wind, tied up again by me, ripped down by the wind, etc) is finally recovering.
In other, and entirely unrelated, good news, the rock melon paddle-pops I made yesterday taste FANTASTIC.
It’s goddamned cold in the house today, but after work in the garden had warmed me up a bit I braved the cold just to try one.
Now I’m keen to try all sorts of other fruit. Especially strawberries, since we’ll have some of our own before too long. I think I need more paddle-pop molds…
Anyway, after all that work, I do feel a little better. I feel less like going to bed for the rest of the day and more like sitting and staring blankly at a wall for the rest of the day instead.
Uh…which is an improvement. Of about 90°, geometrically speaking. Or of jack bloody all, in real terms.
Still, it kept my occupied for a bit, and I’d have felt worse by now without it.
Time to find another (easy) task. Something less scary than emptying a dishwasher.
Tags: Brown Thumbs, Depression, food, health, Home, plants
