Kitty McShitty

This morning I feel like death warmed up. I wake up early needing water, fill my water bottle, heat a heat pillow and go back to bed, letting the cat into the bedroom as I do so (she isn’t allowed to spend the night in there – she wants to party when I want to sleep).

Me: Ok Kitty, get up on the bed and lie down.
Kitty: *walks up to my head and rubs herself all over me* I LURVS YOU!
Me: Love you too Kitty Cat, lie down.
Kitty: Oh no! You’re sick.
Me: Yes. Lie down and go to sleep.
Kitty: *licking my face* I leeeek you. I leeeek your face all better. *lick lick*
Me: Ow! Ow! You’re tearing the flesh from my bones with your sandpaper tongue! OW! Go asleep!
Kitty: I LURVS YOU!!!
Me: YES, I know. Lie down.
Kitty: *paws at blanket* I want to get in.
Me: Fine, get in and go asleep!
Kitty: *walks under blanket, down my body to my toes and climbs back out again* Ta-dah!
Me: ASLEEP!
Kitty: *paws at blanket* I want to get in.
Me: YOU WERE JUST IN!
Kitty: *purring* IN IN IN I lurvs you in in in!
Me: Fine, get in and shutup.
Kitty: *climbs in* *paws at shirt*
Me: Excuse me?
Kitty: I want to get in your shirt. purr purr. I luvs you. *lick lick lick*
Me: OWW! OW! No, you’re not getting in my shirt!
Kitty: IN IN IN
Me: LIE DOWN and SHUT! UP! I’M SICK AND I’M TRYING TO SLEEP.
Kitty: Oh no! Are you sick? Here, I leeek you! *lick lick*

And whenever I go to get up to throw her out, she gives me that cute cat look from Shrek:

I’m helpless. Stupid cat.

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Tags: cat, health, i'm an idiot, sleep