My personal ten steps for staying (almost, sometimes) sane….ish
It’s funny when I look at it sometimes – the things I have to do to stay sane.
Depression is something that’s always there for me, and a week of slacking off from my ‘stay sane’ routine is more than ample opportunity for it to take up residence in my head again, hungry and eating chunks out of my ‘normal’, ‘healthy’ thoughts, eating a great big hole in my chest, just under my ribs, until it’s a hollow cavern. Days like this I walk around, fist pressed to sternum soothe that weird ache in there, half way between being hollow like a barrel and having swallowed an enormously heavy stone. I stagger like a zombie. There’s pressure inside and outside my ribs. I feel as though my bones might break.
It feels like drowning.
They say drowning isn’t an unpleasant way to die. I don’t think I believe them.
So there are things I do, sometimes daily, to push it back. It hibernates, and the longer it does, the better I feel. And the stronger I am when it comes back.
Unwilling to live that way – day in day out out being crush in a vice, curled up in a shivering ball under clammy covers, aware that in Australia six people commit suicide every day, and god oh god, I don’t want it to be me with my number up today not me not me not me – I take steps.
That’s right, steps.
Shiver in your shoes, mental illness.
It’s funny, but against an illness as seemingly overwhelming as depression, it’s often the tiniest things that punch a hole in the damned thing and let a shaft of dusty daylight into your thinking.*
For instance, for me:
Step 1: actually get the hell out of bed.
I so often can’t see why I should get up. What I need to be out of bed for. I come up with reasons, logical, well thought out reasons that I present to myself as persuasion.
No dice. I get up. I don’t care if the house is on fire and the bed is the only thing in the whole place not aflame, the rule is I get up. And then
Step 2: get dressed.
It doesn’t have to look good, it doesn’t have to match, but wearing the same yellowing pajamas for a month doesn’t do much to boost one out of a feeling of helplessness. Everybody feels crap in crusty, sweaty pajamas. Wear clothes.
Step 3: eat something.
I’m prone to not eating when depressed, which of course makes me more lethargic and more depressed.
Top points if I manage to have a coffee and a couple of poached eggs, but eating a spoonful of a condiment (peanut butter, vegemite or nutella if we happen to have it) and nothing else is a fail I’m afraid.
Step 4: vitamins
I can’t stress this one enough, even to myself. It helps a huge amount to get enough of the things you need, so I take a multivitamin.
Then (especially in winter, since winter light increases brain serotonin levels only half as much as summer light) I take vitamin D, a vitamin which our bodies usually get from direct exposure to sunlight.
There is argument as to how much this aids depression, but I know that it seems to help for me, and since it also helps with other areas of health (bone density, for instance) it can’t bloody well hurt really, can’t it?
Step 5: shower!
I’m prone to letting things like personal hygiene slide when I’m depressed enough. After all, if there’s no point in getting out of bed, can there really be some inherent value in being clean? No. My mind tells me wallowing in my own filth for days, unfed and grimy is acceptable. Hell, logical.
It’s wrong though. Amy, take a shower. Trust me on this one.
Step 6: get out. see humans.
Wander about the garden. Breathe fresh air.
See other humans. Laugh. Realise that there is a world beyond the shady dankness of your bedroom in the middle of the day. And that laughing makes you feel better.
After all, nothing is that serious. Listen to other people’s problems. Have people listen to yours. You’re not alone. Get a grip. Gain some perspective.
Step 7: relax
I’ve started taking a little time just for me every day (oh god, how woman’s magazine of me) and it works.
Some days I meditate, some days I just zone out in the garden over a cup of tea. Sometimes a hot bath, sometimes a blanket and a book.
There’s a lot of time in the day, but the thing is it’s easy to waste it. With this, even 15 minutes, used properly, is enough.
Just make sure you use the time to focus on it being soothing, relaxing time, don’t jam it in and stress through it and wonder why you don’t feel better – the focus of calming down and feeling energised is the whole point.
Step 8: work
I don’t expect huge things from myself while depressed, some days I clap myself on the back just for being out of bed and still existing, but setting little tasks that CAN be done help with combating the feeling of uselessness. On days like this, even just spending 3 minutes wiping down the sink makes me feel like I did something useful, and that the day wasn’t a waste.
Step 9: exercise
I need to work more on this. But going for a walk, or even stretching, increases levels of endorphins and dopamine. These are good things. You want them if you’re badly depressed.
But at the same time – keep it moderate. An hour here, a couple there. 6 hours a day in the gym running until your eyes sweat is a whole other problem, not a solution.
And finally, step 10: avoid stupid things.
Stupid things? Drugs, alcohol (really. very important.), skipping nights of sleep, living on only gummi bears and sour worms, etc.
Boring? Maybe, to some people. But spending a week in bed because you’re afraid to get up and face life is more boring. Take your pick there.
Sounds easy, doesn’t it? I know it’s not. I know it’s not a cure, but it works better for me as a management system than anything else.
And right now I’m doing a-ok. So that has to prove something, right?
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* I should disclose, the reason I don’t mention medication is that I’m not on any. I’ve been on medication previously – we spent years trying to find what worked for me, while I was jerked back and forth with side effects keeping me awake, sending me to sleep, making me eat, making me unable to, etc etc.
I’ve been medication free some years now, and have been more stable than ever by sticking to my routine as best I can.
I should also mention that while this works (somewhat) for me, I don’t recommend it as an alternative to medication. I don’t recommend medication either. I don’t recommend anything. Everybody needs to make their own choices with what works for them.
Tags: Depression, health, Motivation, Real discoveries come from chaos, sleep, something to think about, work
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