Category — Motivation
Resolving my issues with motivation
I’m a little OCD. Ok, a lot.
I analyse everything with the (possibly slightly unhealthy) belief I can apply a system to it, tidy it up, organize it, control it.
And then maybe blog about it a little…
The good news this time, dear reader?
I believe I have finally figured out what, for me at least, causes a major motivation crisis.
Aha!
And, maybe, just maybe, forewarned is forearmed. And I can avoid pounding the desk with my forehead.
It’s all about motivational equilibrium!
June 10, 2010 Comments Off
Storage!
Before I donked by head, I redid some storage behind my desk, in my little work area thingy.
Previously, I had left over old desk bits on cinder blocks and speakers.
But now!
Now I have left over old desk bits on cinder blocks and speakers with random reject shop mini book cases!
And the effect isn’t too bad, surprisingly.
It’s hard to get a good photo, because my desk and the lounge is in the way (half the loungeroom is a loungeroom, the other half my desk area)
and
and me, clearly insane and enjoying the new storage space:
April 15, 2010 2 Comments
Get your mojo workin’ (or CPR for the muse)
A conversation today got me to thinking about just how effectively turning professional with art can kill your muse.
Previously, my art moods and inspiration would flit in and flit out, and I’d go with them, painting as I pleased. Now I sit down, coffee in hand, every single day, and somehow I just assumed my muse would do the same.
Not so.
Sometimes my inspiration – my art mojo, if you will – flips me the bird and goes off drinking with his buddies. Sometimes he hangs about, props his dirty feet up on the furniture and says “What if I refuse to work today, then? Huh? Whatcha going to do about it?” while I try to ignore him and hunch further into the computer, jam my fingers in my ears and try to type with my elbows.
Sometimes, there’s nothing you can do about this. Mr. Art Mojo is a real jerk sometimes, a poor house guest and a thoroughly awful business partner.
Nothing you can do but keep turning up and doing your part of the work – if he won’t help, that’s his fault. At least you’re turning up for the job.
Sometimes though, there are things that I find help me get back into it. Here’s a list of the random (and sometimes little odd) things I do to try to get the wheels turning again.
March 1, 2010 1 Comment
Ninja Mountain.
Painting at home is terribly lonely sometimes.
Also lonely is the fact that I’ve never actually met another digital painter in real life – the ones I know in person all all traditional media. Even in the forums I hang out on there tends to be a imbalance in favour of the traditional over digital.
But recently I’ve found a great thing to listen to while I work – Ninja Mountain. It’s a podcast by artists, for artists, and deals with a lot of everyday artist ‘issues’ as well as just being plain entertaining. Plus, as a long time Socar Myles fan, it’s nice to hear what she has to say about her art, the business, etc etc. ‘Cause I’ve always wondered.
It doesn’t just cover digital though – there’s plenty of talk about traditional art. I just like that it does also cover the digital.
Most things are broad enough to be useful to pretty much anybody though, as as somebody trying to work their way up, it’s a great resource and a great source of motivation – they talk about painting so much that I just want to get in there and do it myself.
So I do.
Anyway, I could go on and on about it here, or you could just check it out yourself. There’s a whole host of artists with a whole bunch of interesting things to say, and if you’ve got any questions you can write in and ask them yourself.
Neato superific!
You’ll like it. It’s fun. IT MAKES LEARNING FUN. No, but really, it’s good, and it certainly makes good company while you’re working.
Give it a go.
October 1, 2009 2 Comments
My personal ten steps for staying (almost, sometimes) sane….ish
It’s funny when I look at it sometimes – the things I have to do to stay sane.
Depression is something that’s always there for me, and a week of slacking off from my ‘stay sane’ routine is more than ample opportunity for it to take up residence in my head again, hungry and eating chunks out of my ‘normal’, ‘healthy’ thoughts, eating a great big hole in my chest, just under my ribs, until it’s a hollow cavern. Days like this I walk around, fist pressed to sternum soothe that weird ache in there, half way between being hollow like a barrel and having swallowed an enormously heavy stone. I stagger like a zombie. There’s pressure inside and outside my ribs. I feel as though my bones might break.
It feels like drowning.
They say drowning isn’t an unpleasant way to die. I don’t think I believe them.
So there are things I do, sometimes daily, to push it back. It hibernates, and the longer it does, the better I feel. And the stronger I am when it comes back.
Unwilling to live that way – day in day out out being crush in a vice, curled up in a shivering ball under clammy covers, aware that in Australia six people commit suicide every day, and god oh god, I don’t want it to be me with my number up today not me not me not me – I take steps.
That’s right, steps.
Shiver in your shoes, mental illness.
It’s funny, but against an illness as seemingly overwhelming as depression, it’s often the tiniest things that punch a hole in the damned thing and let a shaft of dusty daylight into your thinking.*
For instance, for me:
Step 1: actually get the hell out of bed.
I so often can’t see why I should get up. What I need to be out of bed for. I come up with reasons, logical, well thought out reasons that I present to myself as persuasion.
No dice. I get up. I don’t care if the house is on fire and the bed is the only thing in the whole place not aflame, the rule is I get up. And then
Step 2: get dressed.
It doesn’t have to look good, it doesn’t have to match, but wearing the same yellowing pajamas for a month doesn’t do much to boost one out of a feeling of helplessness. Everybody feels crap in crusty, sweaty pajamas. Wear clothes.
Step 3: eat something.
I’m prone to not eating when depressed, which of course makes me more lethargic and more depressed.
Top points if I manage to have a coffee and a couple of poached eggs, but eating a spoonful of a condiment (peanut butter, vegemite or nutella if we happen to have it) and nothing else is a fail I’m afraid.
Step 4: vitamins
I can’t stress this one enough, even to myself. It helps a huge amount to get enough of the things you need, so I take a multivitamin.
Then (especially in winter, since winter light increases brain serotonin levels only half as much as summer light) I take vitamin D, a vitamin which our bodies usually get from direct exposure to sunlight.
There is argument as to how much this aids depression, but I know that it seems to help for me, and since it also helps with other areas of health (bone density, for instance) it can’t bloody well hurt really, can’t it?
Step 5: shower!
I’m prone to letting things like personal hygiene slide when I’m depressed enough. After all, if there’s no point in getting out of bed, can there really be some inherent value in being clean? No. My mind tells me wallowing in my own filth for days, unfed and grimy is acceptable. Hell, logical.
It’s wrong though. Amy, take a shower. Trust me on this one.
Step 6: get out. see humans.
Wander about the garden. Breathe fresh air.
See other humans. Laugh. Realise that there is a world beyond the shady dankness of your bedroom in the middle of the day. And that laughing makes you feel better.
After all, nothing is that serious. Listen to other people’s problems. Have people listen to yours. You’re not alone. Get a grip. Gain some perspective.
Step 7: relax
I’ve started taking a little time just for me every day (oh god, how woman’s magazine of me) and it works.
Some days I meditate, some days I just zone out in the garden over a cup of tea. Sometimes a hot bath, sometimes a blanket and a book.
There’s a lot of time in the day, but the thing is it’s easy to waste it. With this, even 15 minutes, used properly, is enough.
Just make sure you use the time to focus on it being soothing, relaxing time, don’t jam it in and stress through it and wonder why you don’t feel better – the focus of calming down and feeling energised is the whole point.
Step 8: work
I don’t expect huge things from myself while depressed, some days I clap myself on the back just for being out of bed and still existing, but setting little tasks that CAN be done help with combating the feeling of uselessness. On days like this, even just spending 3 minutes wiping down the sink makes me feel like I did something useful, and that the day wasn’t a waste.
Step 9: exercise
I need to work more on this. But going for a walk, or even stretching, increases levels of endorphins and dopamine. These are good things. You want them if you’re badly depressed.
But at the same time – keep it moderate. An hour here, a couple there. 6 hours a day in the gym running until your eyes sweat is a whole other problem, not a solution.
And finally, step 10: avoid stupid things.
Stupid things? Drugs, alcohol (really. very important.), skipping nights of sleep, living on only gummi bears and sour worms, etc.
Boring? Maybe, to some people. But spending a week in bed because you’re afraid to get up and face life is more boring. Take your pick there.
Sounds easy, doesn’t it? I know it’s not. I know it’s not a cure, but it works better for me as a management system than anything else.
And right now I’m doing a-ok. So that has to prove something, right?
_____________________
* I should disclose, the reason I don’t mention medication is that I’m not on any. I’ve been on medication previously – we spent years trying to find what worked for me, while I was jerked back and forth with side effects keeping me awake, sending me to sleep, making me eat, making me unable to, etc etc.
I’ve been medication free some years now, and have been more stable than ever by sticking to my routine as best I can.
I should also mention that while this works (somewhat) for me, I don’t recommend it as an alternative to medication. I don’t recommend medication either. I don’t recommend anything. Everybody needs to make their own choices with what works for them.
September 28, 2009 1 Comment
Depression again
Sometimes my perfect art weather is also perfect weather for curling up inside and feeling depressed…
Depression seem to have snuck up on me this time, and to start with I didn’t even realise it was there. A bit more tired here, a bit less motivated here, and hey presto! It’s here again.
Luckily it’s not currently the type that has me feeling really low or seriously upset. Getting out of bed isn’t even that hard yet. But getting anything done is, and nothing that I usually enjoy seems that fun right now.
Except sleep. I spend my day wanting to go back to bed… [Read more →]
September 15, 2009 Comments Off
Tiredness
I’ve been so tired recently. It’s making it hard to get work done. Hell, it’s making it hard to get anything done.
I’m not entirely sure of the reason for it – it could be that I’ve been busy and not eating well enough. It could be that it’s the end of winter, and everybody has been so unwell. Somehow I avoided getting actually sick this winter, but instead spent weeks being almost sick ( dizzy, a runny nose, a headache and sore throat for one day, then gone again, while those around me got really sick for weeks).
It could be that I’ve been busy and full days with early morning and later and later nights are taking their toll on me.
But I think it’s more than that – I think it’s psychological as much as anything. [Read more →]
September 7, 2009 Comments Off
